024 – Bullying, Differences and Deep Breathing – With Anadamayi Baker

Anouk:

Welcome to the podcast. Today, we are having a bonus episode of sword because I wanted to talk to you before the early day, for many of us, about a book. So if you're still looking for gifts for your little ones, that thing that would be a very great option. It's a book that talk about inclusivity, bullying, and also address deep breathing exercise in a very playful and integrated in the story. So, I I'm sure that will be very valuable. So the book is written by Anadamayi Baker. And, Anadamayi grew up in the California Bay Area and had a good fortune of having a backyard to play with in, and it saved her childhood, because her family was dysfunctional. And she could talk with lizards and tadpoles better than with her own family. She ended up writing her major in community development and race relations, graduating from UC Davis. And, even if she never didn't really use that major, it has transformed her entire life in terms of understanding racism, bullying, inclusivity, cruelty, and so on. And she also found her path in yoga in 1985, and it also saved her, and and gave her the the knowledge, that she is supposed to be here and the internal peace, that was possible with it. I think that's very beautiful.

Anouk:

So let's listen a bit more about, the book of welcome to Parenting the Intensity, where we'll talk all about how we can drop the general parenting advice that doesn't work with our emotionally intense kids anyway and let go of the unrealistic expectations society puts on us as parents. Together, we'll find solution and ideas that work for you and your kids. Chances are, deep down, you know what they need, but you need a little encouragement to keep going on other days and permission to do things differently and help you fully trust that you already are a wonderful parent to your exceptional but challenging kids. Do you read all the thing, listen to all the things, take all the courses, and you know all of things about parenting, but you struggle to actually apply them in your real life, then you're in luck. I just started the Parenting the Intensity community, which is a, monthly group support for parents of emotionally intense kids. And the goal is to exactly that, to take all the information you learn from the podcast and from all the other sources and adapt them so that it work for your child and your family, your reality. Because things can work, but not always the same way for everybody. So the same thing might need to be adapted to work for you.

Anouk:

And sometimes it's hard to sword through everything to choose the right things that so that you can really enjoy your life and your kids, not always being afraid of the next outburst. You can join by clicking on the link, in the show notes or on the website.

Anouk:

Welcome. Today, we have Anandamoy over on the podcast. And we have a special episode. So we'll talk about her book that I really love because it's a lot about difference and the fact that it's normal, which I think apply to everyone who's listening. So welcome to the podcast.

Anandamayi:

Hi. I'm Ananda Moy Baker. And like Anoop sang, I wrote a little book called Bee Coming Strong. It's about a little bee named Jazianza who gets bullied because when she was little, she couldn't see well, So she flew into the side of her hive, and now she has a corkscrew antenna. And mama queensybee queen bee, called her over and outfitted her with some big glasses because bees have 5 eyes. So she's got 2 big ones on top and on the front and some little ones on the top. And, Really, what I wanted with this book was 2 main things that that helped me in my entire life because I grew up in a Pretty dysfunctional family, and my saving grace when I was little was connecting with nature. I And hours, countless hours, either on the ground, on my knees, on my belly, watching ants, other thing, which took me out of the house and away from all the, Discord, shall we politely say.

Anandamayi:

And and, you know, being able to be I was really blessed that there was Some little frogs that were there and lizards. And, I was able to just put my hand against tree trunks, and it just, Like, being with nature saved my life when I was young. Yeah. And I didn't realize it. I was just drawn to it. Mhmm. And that's one of the big things that I think is really important for children and adults, obviously. It's something that we as a Society, if not the the world, seem to be moving away from because we're all on our devices.

Anandamayi:

Mhmm. And all of that stuff takes us Out away from ourselves, away from the magnificence of what's inside us. Mhmm. So that was one of the things, connecting with nature. And then, also, I've been blessed for almost 40 years now to have been able to study with a yoga master. And so yoga in the west, we think of yoga as only postures. And, actually, a lot of times, Yeah. It's, kind of strange the way yoga's taught, where it's really like there's vigorous yoga, hot yoga.

Anandamayi:

I've even seen wine yoga, people doing it's just it's like, come on. We're seeing that. Yeah. Yes. Doing all these elaborate postures, holding a glass of wine, and, like, you really think that's yoga? Yoga means Harmony of body, mind, and spirit. So body, mind, and inner self. So when the body and mind get calm, then we can Connect with inner inner soul. And so breath.

Anandamayi:

So there's several breath practices That mama Queensybee teaches Jazzianza to help her become calmer because she gets bullied, so there's anxiety with that. And And so those are the 2 big things, nature and finding yoga, learning how to breathe, learning how to do Postures in a very slow, deep way has really it has transformed my life, and that is what I wanted. It's just kind of a fun story. I the way it started was when I lived on Palomar Mountain, which Which is in Northern San Diego County. We had a, little fountain behind where I worked, and, bees would come and drink from it. And what I noticed was children were freaked out about bees. Yeah. Yeah.

Anandamayi:

And they run and scream and flail their arms. And, of course It's

Anouk:

dangerous to do that.

Anandamayi:

Like, beasts We're scared of that. Right?

Anouk:

Yeah. Yeah.

Anandamayi:

And so I had the exact opposite experience because when I would meditate outside, They would come and literally crawl around the palms of my hand so calmly and sweetly. And I thought, Oh, I wanna be able to give this somehow to children, like, see these in a whole different way. So that was the beginning, and I had to go to India for hip replacement. And while I was there, I had bought a book, idiot's guide to writing children's books. So Doing all these buzzle wazzle, cuzzle little words. Then I got home, started working, put the book away for 10 years until the pandemic. So at the beginning of the pandemic, I remembered the book. Mhmm.

Anandamayi:

And I thought, well, Maybe I should do something with that. Because by that point, I had to retire because I got this near fatal autoimmune disease, and I have some time. And so I contacted a couple therapist friends of mine and a friend who's helping raise her grandchild. And I said, what are kids dealing with these days? Because I didn't even know if what I was doing was worth it, basically. Mhmm. And the answers they all gave me were so similar, and they just tore my heart. They I mean, I started sobbing because it had to do with bullying with anxiety, with meltdowns, with just intense fear, depression. And I thought, oh, no.

Anandamayi:

I cannot write some because it was gonna be like a little Doctor Seuss rhyme book. I had no idea how to do that. So I I prayed about it and said, look. Do you want me doing Make it really, really clear. And so I had to drive down about an hour for, these special shots I get once a month for the autoimmune disease. It was pouring rain. Thankfully, it was in the pandemic, so the freeways were empty. Yeah.

Anandamayi:

And this was a day after I had just said to the universe, you know, make it clear. I got out of the office building, got into the car, got in the road and started and looked in the side view mirror. In the pouring rain, in cold, there's a bee clinging to my mirror. Like, k. That's what I need. That clear.

Anouk:

That was clear because it's not the moment we should have seen a bee.

Anandamayi:

No. Definitely not. Definitely not. So That's how it all started. And so I give different techniques in the in the book, for breathing, and Jazianza, Our little heroine bee is the one who's telling her story. It's her story, and I'm kind of just basically the translator. I'm not there. It's her story.

Anandamayi:

Mhmm. And so Tree gives really sage life advice, and And the story is filled with things that, like you said at the beginning, that celebrate differences, that because Has all kinds of friends, a tree, a butterfly, and the queen bee and and others. And I think that's just really important to that. We we know that differences differences are to be celebrated. Now. In one another Mhmm. Help us be stronger and kinder. And

Anouk:

Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. And I love that you weave wave in the book. Like, it's so many things in the story. Like, you have all that nature stuff, but also you you teach things about nature. There's details and information about each of the animals and each of the the things you encounter, which brings the nature in. It's fact, but it's like a fun and interesting way, and I love that she's talking to the the person reading the book also.

Anouk:

So it they're kind of part of the story, which is rare. I've I've rarely seen a story written that way as the the vision of a bee looking at a human and finding human weirds, basically.

Anandamayi:

Yeah. Why why don't you have Why can't do you only have 2 feet? You have a whole bunch of legs. What's wrong with you? Yeah.

Anouk:

That's exactly. Which I love because it reverse roles because often chill children are looking at bees, and there's care of the bees like you said. But reversing roles, it's easier to Be more empathetic when you are at the place of someone else, and I think that's a great way of doing it. You reverse the roles. So that way, she's seeing humans in a way that we're seeing beings from the outside in some ways. I really love that point of view for for telling the story.

Anandamayi:

And one of the things that I did purposefully is she so Jazianza gets bullied also because she can lose her focus because she's so focused on something else. She's she forgets that she's flying with her hive someplace. But she notices Liza Butterflies' wings, that they flap in a way that her wings do not, and she Pays attention to that and wonders about it. And I wrote things like that into it purposefully so that, hopefully, children as well as adults can can really want to tune into nature more deeply and say, oh, that is interesting. I've never thought about that. Why is that? Mhmm. Because I think nature, especially these days, is is a savior for us. It's it's gonna take us Because our devices are taking us to not a great place.

Anandamayi:

Yeah. I mean, it's fun. We can learn things and do things, but It takes us out of the strength of who we really are.

Anouk:

Mhmm. Yeah. And I think it's also double Like, yeah, it's it helps to see the nature differently, but it's also as the meaning of seeing others differently. Just Yeah. Opening and being curious about how others are at the same time. Yeah.

Anandamayi:

Yes. And I think kids learn that easy early From from their parents or from people around them that is that person an other, or is that someone who has different is different?

Anouk:

Yeah.

Anandamayi:

You know? And and, yeah, societies are torn apart by otherness.

Anouk:

Yes. Yes. Very true. Very true. And I love also all the because that's a big question we always have is how to help kids calm down and deal with their intense emotion, and I love that it's in a playful way and just weaved into it. It's not like, now sit down and breathe. Like, that's just boring.

Anandamayi:

And in fact, a a few parents have told me that when they are reading the book with their kids, The the children wanna do the breathing things right then, and they love them. Love that. Because it's it's fun to like, one of the The the bigger things is belly breathing. Mhmm. And so what it does is it brings us back to ourself. It Brings us back to the moment. Because when we're freaking out, whether we're adults or children, we are out of our body, and our brain is going a 1000000 miles an hour. And when we take A a deep breath or, like, a double inhalation or exhalation, like, you know, and then just start deep breathing Counting the breath, it it can settle down everything.

Anandamayi:

Mhmm. And so it the technique that I put in the book Yeah. About belly breathing is you get a little toy, something that they connect with, or a book or even your hands and put it on it. And what it does, it brings us back into our body, brings us back to the breath. And by focusing on our breath, we Stop focusing on our mind that wants to just take us anywhere.

Anouk:

It stops the mind. Yeah. It stops the mind. And let's say more nature does, basically. It's it helps to connect and be grounded more too.

Anandamayi:

Well, exactly. Yeah.

Anouk:

Yeah. So yeah. I really love that. And what Age range would you see the book is for?

Anandamayi:

So I've been told by a few different experts, 4 to 10. Okay. I'm on a lot of different levels. Mhmm. So it will connect with that with a lot of children. And then I also, on purpose, There there's a fabulous illustrator, Akiko Martinosh.

Anouk:

Yeah. And The image are beautiful.

Anandamayi:

Yeah. And so the way it was Formatted is that there's some little picture, even if it's little, on every page so that if you're just reading it to a child and they can't really follow along, There's gonna be a fun little illustration for them to look at. So like I said, it's on a lot of levels.

Anouk:

I I would say for 4 year old, it's might be a very patient for you because there's a lot of words still. It's like a small novel more than a picture book.

Anandamayi:

Yeah. With Yes. And and just even 1 chapter a night. Yeah. Not or half a chapter a night. Yeah.

Anouk:

Yeah. True. True. It could be read, like, in in stages for younger kids.

Anandamayi:

Yeah. I mean, I developed the chapter so that, One was kind of finishing even if it was to say, I wonder what's gonna happen next so that they'll on. But, yeah, there's chapters, so it's not too long.

Anouk:

Yeah. Yeah. True. Yeah. When you look at it in chapters, it's true that it's not as long. But I'm I am thinking about my own 4 year old, And I'm not sure she would sit still for that long, but she's not someone who still looks still. So that's what I said for maybe more patient for you all. But, I would have to test the it's complicated for me because I would have to translate while I read, which would be a bit difficult.

Anouk:

But But I think it it it's interesting. It can cover that wide of a range Yeah. Of ages. Yeah. Very interesting. So is there anything we didn't cover about the book that you would like to share?

Anandamayi:

Let's see. Oh, yeah. There is one thing that I didn't put in the book, That's fun that maybe somebody like your daughter would like. There's actually okay. This is an old, k. Pramayams Our breathing ex breathing practices that are literally, like, 5000 years old. They're very old, and they're very effective. Well, there's actually a pranayama called Brahmani pranayama, and it's bee breath.

Anandamayi:

And

Anouk:

Really?

Anandamayi:

What it is. And it's very calming. It helps stop the mind. It's really good if you're thinking bad thoughts Or just need to calm down. It soothes the nerves. And what you do is you just inhale. And as you exhale, You like a bee. Oh, wow.

Anandamayi:

Do it over and over, and children Love it? If you you can close your earlobes, but that might be something that your daughter Really like and that other children would like. So Uh-huh.

Anouk:

Sure.

Anandamayi:

That's interesting. There's yeah.

Anouk:

That's interesting technique. And I'm sure like, kids always love being animals and doing this animal sounds. And so that's the way I I would never have thought of doing a b sound, honestly, and I love it.

Anandamayi:

And it's calming. Not z not with a z with a m m m. It's it's very calming. I have a friend who said When she's in a lot of traffic, she'll do it to herself, and it settles the right thing.

Anouk:

Yeah. Because I I that's always, like, Nothing you tell in the book cannot apply to adult. Like, everything that we teach to child and to to call back cannot apply to the parents also.

Anandamayi:

Oh, definitely. I mean, Definitely. Parents have told me that that they're glad they read it for their children because it's helped them. Yeah.

Anouk:

And I that's always the thing we come back to that parents need to be calm and regulated to be able to help their children be calm and regulated, so it's useful for everybody.

Anandamayi:

Yes. Hopefully so. That's my desire. Great.

Anouk:

Yeah. So that thank you very much for being here. That was the goal of sharing it before the holidays. So if people are looking for gifts. I think it's a very great idea because it's useful. It helps people to learn lots of stuff, and it might help everybody calm down in the house.

Anandamayi:

Yes. Definitely.

Anouk:

Yeah. So I love it.

Anandamayi:

And if people want okay. Becoming Strong Mhmm. Beedashcomingstrong. It's on Amazon. Mhmm. And, also, if they want, they can sign up for my newsletter. It's just once a month, and it's got things for Children. It's got nature stuff.

Anandamayi:

It's got fun bee stuff. Bees are amazing. Bees are totally amazing. I mean, they really are.

Anouk:

Yeah. There's a bunch of facts on your website about bees that are very interesting.

Anandamayi:

Yeah. They are. So they can sign up for the newsletter by going to my, website, Right. Anandamotikaker.com and yeah.

Anouk:

We'll we'll put all those link in the show notes and the link for the book on Amazon also so that people can find it easily.

Anandamayi:

Thank you very much.

Anouk:

So thank you for being here tonight. That was very nice.

Anandamayi:

Well, thank you for having me. You're a joy. And I I really I really taken with how much you're able to help people through your own struggles, through what you've worked through. I mean, that's what it's all about. Right?

Anouk:

Yeah. It's always that. We always help others a

Anouk:

bit more we're going through. I think that's a

Anouk:

lot of what we do. This thing for your book, so thank you for completing it even if it took a long time.

Anandamayi:

Yeah. Thank you so much.

Anouk:

I'm so glad you joined me today and took that time out of your intense life to focus on finding a new way to parent that works for you and your kids. To get the episodes at So That They Drop, make sure to subscribe to the podcast. And please leave a rating in review so other parents can find it too. Also, check out all the free resources on my website at family moments dotca so you can take action on what's the most important for you right now. And take a deep breath. Keep going. We're all in this toget