You stumbled on the concept of "emotionally intense" child and you're wondering if it applies to your child?
And what to do now?
Start here, download the guide to get some quick realizations and fixes.
What's an emotionally intense child?
If you're here reading this, chances are you have an emotionally intense child, and you're struggling and questioning yourself for one reason or another.
You're not alone!
First things first, if the words resonates with you, then you most probably have an emotionally intense child (or more than one). You know your child's best!
An emotionally intense child feels deeply and reacts more intensely then most kids the same age to many kinds of situation.
They can also be unpredictable in the way that they sometimes collaborate perfectly in a setting and absolutely not the next time in the same setting.
When other children may be disappointed or frustrated when we refuse something they want, emotionally intense kids can meltdown, have physical outbursts, or internalized reactions that are difficult to understand.
They all have their particularities but I see them as 3 different types:
- Lion
- Hedgehog
- Sloth
The Lion
The lion child is always on the move, loud most of the time, really curious and inquisitive and don’t really care about social expectations or is just not able to control themselves to behave in that expected way, no matter how often you repeat yourself or how hard they try.
It's a child who's externalized in their reactions everywhere and acts out at home as much as everywhere else.
You might get daily call from school, they probably have some service in school settings and you're most likely judged for not being able to control them.
The Hedgehog
The hedgehog child looks very sweet, calm and in control out of the house but will explode once at home and with people they are closer and more comfortable with. They are generally really sensitive and creative. They might be more whinny and cry more then the Lion, but can also be very intense in their reactions.
It's a child that is internalized in their reactions out of the house, but externalized at home so others don't see it and most of the time don't understand what you mean and don't trust you when you're sharing your experience, you're probably judged (and might judge yourself) like you are the problem since it's all happening in your house/with you.
For that reason they probably don't get access to any support in school settings even if they could benefit from some.
The Sloth
The Sloth is a child who's sweet, calm, looks in control, is often alone, helpful to adults, don't talk loudly or run around and is generally really careful. They are really reserved and might be seen as slow, lazy or shy. When they react it's more in subtle whining or crying, you might tel them to speak up often.
It's a child who's Internalized in their reactions everywhere, which means they often go under the radar even for parents, so I'm not even really expecting their parents to read this 😉, so if you are, congrats for being so in tune.
Even if they don't look like it, they are still struggling inside and things might get harder as they grow older and there's more demand and more stress in their life.
Do any of this resonates?
If so, you're at the right place as I'm all about supporting parents (and other caregivers) of emotionally intense kids.
And I know how confusing and (let's be honest) discouraging it can be sometimes...
So, where can you start? With the basics
Understanding and Supporting Emotionally Intense Kids
The most important thing to remember is that they don't do it on purpose,
they are not able to act differently on their own and need support.
They are experiencing the world more intensely than others. They may struggle to meet expectations, feel misunderstood and overwhelmed.
As parents, it is our role to provide them with the understanding, support, and resources they need to navigate their emotions and (hopefully) thrive.
Encouragement and Validation
Emotionally intense kids are trying their best, even if their efforts may not always meet our expectations. They often face disappointment and frustration when they can't achieve what they want or is asked of them.
As parents, it's essential to offer encouragement and validation for their efforts, no matter the outcome. Celebrate their resilience, creativity, and sensitivity.
Changing Expectations and Lowering Demands
Sometimes, it may be necessary to adjust our expectations and lower the demands placed on emotionally intense kids. By creating a supportive environment to support their unique needs, we increase the chance that they will be able to navigate their emotions better. That can includes changing the environment, finding additional resources, and advocating for their well-being in school and other settings.
Parenting emotionally intense kids can be a challenging and rewarding at the same time
By understanding their needs, adapting the environnement and expectations and encouraging them to do more of what they are already doing well, we can create a better relationship with them so that our everyday life and family relationships are more fulfilling all around.
HOW CAN I HELP?
Everything I offer is designed specifically for YOU, parents of emotionally intense kids in mind.
If you're starting in your journey, I suggest you look at those resources first:
Start here, download the guide to get some quick realizations and fixes.
What to start to change things in your family lige?
This is the course to start with, it covers all the basics.
Ready for some changes in your parenting and want to be supported on an ongoing basis?
Check all the details for the Monthly group support over here
Get information specifically for parents of emotionally intense kids, nothing standard that you heard everywhere else.
List of podcasts episodes to explore to learn more on that topic
More resources
Struggling to stay calm when you're child is not?
Feel confident next time you go out in public with your emotionally intense child
This private audio series will allow you to:
- Feel more confident and in control of the situation next time you go out the door with your emotionally intense child
- Make sure everyone is in the best state possible before going out
- Know what to take with you to be prepared for anything that could happen
- Have some easy and practical tips to apply once you're there, divided by places you go
- And last, but definitely not least, deal with the judgment that you’ll get if(when) things don’t go perfectly as planned…as that will still happen, let’s be realistic 😉.
Support your child for less intense reactions in everyday life transitions
Avoid escalating when setting and sticking to your boundaries with kids who feel deeply and reacts explosively in 5 actionable steps
By understanding them and finding ways to stay calm in the intensity.
Includes the value and self care guide
This course will allow you to:
- Understand why it's so hard to set boundaries with emotionally intense children
- Clarify your unique child's needs and causes of resistance to reduce outbursts
- Identify ways to stay calmer when your child is spiraling, so you can avoid doing the same
- Communicate your reality to people around you so they get it and can support you and your child.
- Take some control back in your family life where you can, and let go of it where you can’t, so you feel less powerless
Understand what's going on with your kids and stay calm during the meltdowns
A 3-day free virtual event for parents of emotionally intense kids.
Clarify what’s going on with your kids and stay calm during the meltdowns.
Recordings (including podcast version) now available
Understand YOUR unique child better and feel confident to make decision to support them so your everyday life is not a constant battle or walking on eggshells anymore
I talk a lot about Detective Work: identifying what our child needs, who they really are, what their interests are, what helps them regulate and feel (and act) well, etc.
But that's really hard work! So I put together that Workshop to help you do it more easily and with a bit more structure, with a workbook to note it all down and concrete exercices and prompts to help you in the process.
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“I really enjoyed the call with Anouk. We were chatting, laughing, exchanging experiences… I love how she can create a joyful, warm and safe space to interact. It felt like a coffee date with a friend!
She was very attentive and understanding (...). Thanks a lot for listening and sharing your experience with me, Anouk.”
Hi, if we don't know each other,
I'm Anouk!🖐️
I'm a mom of 3 emotionally intense (and wonderful) kids, I have a master's in social work and I’ve been supporting parents for 15 years (and that's how long I've been a mom!).
So now I support and mentor parents of emotionally intense kids for whom nothing in the “general parenting advice” seems to work.
Together, we'll uncover what’s going on with your child and find solutions and ideas that work for YOU and YOUR kid(s) so things go more smoothly, you can quit feeling like you are failing at parenting in constant fear of the next outburst and feel confident in trying different things that fit your kids' needs better.
Also heard, seen or read in those places...
“
Anouk was so involved and responsive with all the students on board.
She gave so freely of herself. But she also does it in the course material and shares her knowledge and tips without holding back so that everyone wins.