000 – Parenting the Intensity Podcast trailer

Welcome to “Parenting the Intensity”

Where we’ll talk all about how we can drop the general parenting advice that doesn’t work with our emotionally intense kids anyway, and let go of the unrealistic expectations society puts on us as parents.

Together, we’ll find solutions and ideas that work for you and your kids. Chances are deep down, you know what you need. But you need a little encouragement to keep going on harder days and permission to do things differently, and help you fully trust that you already are a wonderful parent to your exceptional but challenging kids.

Today is the intro.

So it will be short, but I also want to keep most episodes short as I know we don’t have much time. So today we’ll define what’s an emotionally intense kid and what it means to have one or many for us parents. And, of course, what this podcast will be about, and I’ll introduce myself for those of you who don’t know me yet.

So what’s an emotionally intense kid?

First, there’s more than one kind of kid that is emotionally intense. It doesn’t mean they cry all the time, although that can be, but you mostly know that already. The thing that they all have in common is that they feel everything deeply, but they can react very, very differently. Most will have intense outbursts that feel like they’re out of nowhere, but their outburst will look different from one to another. They won’t have the same reaction. They won’t have the same way to calm down. Some will calm down by themselves very short, like, fast, some will need lots of help and time to calm down. Their triggers are different, and their sensitivity to different stimuli is very different. And, yeah, the way to help them calm down and help them control or live their feelings is very different from one kid to another. Some of them might have some trouble in school or daycare, and you might have one call a day, maybe more from school, or then can be a total fly on the wall when they’re out of the house. 

But nothing seems to work with those kids. Like, none of the general parenting advice, and sometimes it can even make things worse. 

What does it mean for us parents?

So for us as parents, what does that mean? First, it means that it’s emotionally exhausting. We need to have a lot of self-control to not put oil on the fire when things go out the window because it’s triggering a lot of the time and tiring. We’re also very easily overwhelmed because of it and because we worry. We’re wondering what to do with them. And because we’ve tried everything more than once, as we tried again and again, and we’ve gone to parenting classes, and might even have hired coaches and read all the books and blogs and the podcasts. 

It might be why you’re here. But it didn’t seem to work. Like, no matter how long we try, that advice doesn’t work, so that makes us feel like a failure, and, normally, we feel like a failure when nothing is working. Like, we’re seeing everywhere that what we should be doing with our kids is not “behaving correctly”, but it’s not working. So what’s going on? So, of course, we’re the problem. Right? No. We’re not the problem; they’re not the problem.

The advice is the problem. It’s not the right one for them. And if you have like, “regular kids” that advice might work with those kids and you’re like, why is it not working? And that maybe gives you some more confidence that it’s not you because you know it’s working with one kid, but then it’s still not working with the other one. So what’s going on? Is it the kid’s fault? Again, no. It’s the advice’s fault. It’s just not the right way for those kids. 

Playing detective

With those kids most of the time, we need to play detective, because there’s not one universal answer. There’s not one universal cause; we need to find what’s going on to be able to find the right parenting for them. And the reality is that when we live through that, we live in fear of that unpredictable outburst. We live in fear of how our kids will grow up, and how they will deal with life. And that’s overwhelming and emotionally exhausting. And we know our kids are not doing that on purpose. I mean, we know that they’re struggling, but it’s so hard to remember that in the heat of the moment and stay calm and not put oil on the fire. Because it’s emotionally exhausting and overwhelming.

And to make things worse, most people outside of our close circle just don’t get it or don’t believe us. If we have a fly on the wall kind of kids, people are like, yeah. You have the perfect kid. What are you complaining about? They don’t get it because the kids have outbursts just with us in our house most of the time. After all, that’s the only place they feel safe to express their emotion and let go of all the buildup stress. And if you have a kid that acts out, most likely, you’re judged a lot by people outside of your close circle, and they don’t get it, and they think it’s your fault, which adds to the feeling of failure. So if that sounds like a reality, you’re one of us, Welcome to the club you’ve always been in without really knowing you were.

So in this podcast, the first goal is to make you feel like you’re not a failure because you’re not. To give you permission to trash what’s not working without any guilt, no matter who told you to do it. To make you feel supported and part of a community of other parents who do get it. To help you find a solution to your everyday reality by offering out-of-the-box ideas and reflection. I want to bring on guests with different backgrounds to share inventive and different solutions and invite you, the parents of emotionally intense kids, to come to share your struggles and your wins with other parents so we can all be inspired by each other and feel less alone in that journey. We’re all in it together. Let’s find some harmony in the intensity.

Who am I?

Before we end, I wanted to introduce myself shortly. So I’m Anouk Briere-Godbout, a French Canadian who explains the accent and the English mistakes. I’m a mom of 3 emotionally intense kids, 2 teens, and a preschooler. We’re living with them, my husband, and I in the country. We also have an intense dog. I have a master’s degree in social work, and I’ve been supporting parents in different capacities for 15 years. I’m also a documentary photographer, and I use photography as a parenting and mindfulness tool, and that made me a better mom, quite frankly. I’ll go into details about that in another day. I decided to refocus my parenting support services on parents of emotionally intense kids when I realized that I only added kids that fit that description, and I mostly worked with parents of kids with all kinds of special needs over the years and rarely “normal” kids. 

If you’re into personality tests, it’s almost a hobby of mine. I’m an introvert, INFJ, Alchemist, Enneagram 3, 6, or 9, depending on the days and generator, and I’m also about fostering safe community and promoting imperfection, and I truly believe that we are all beautifully different in our ways and that everyone deserves to be supported as they are and with what they need. 

Each month, or maybe a little more frequently, we’ll see. We’ll get some thought-provoking and comforting exchange and reflection on mainstream parenting and different ways to parent so we can put things into perspective, redefine what paintings mean to you and your kids, and finally, enjoy your family life without constant fear of the next outburst. We’re all in this together. 

The podcast will start soon. So in the meantime, subscribe to get the episode as soon as they drop, share about it with other parents of emotionally intense kids, and come join me on Instagram at parenting intensity to get the latest updates. Or on my parenting support service website at familymoments.ca. Can’t wait to get to know you. 

I’m so glad you joined me today and took that time out of your intense life to focus on finding a new way to parent that works for you and your kids. To get the episodes as soon as they drop, make sure to subscribe to the podcast, and please leave a rating and review so other parents can find it too. Also, check out all the free resources on my website at familymoments.ca, so you can take action on what’s the most important for you right now. Take a deep breath, keep going.

Take a deep breath, keep going, we’re all in this together!