018 – I just feel like giving up…

Anouk:

Welcome. Today on the podcast, we're talking about giving up. Can we give up when it's about our children? We'll talk about that too. Welcome to Parenting the Intensity, where we'll talk all about how we can drop the general parenting advice that doesn't work with our emotionally intense kids anyway too. And let go of the unrealistic expectations society puts on us as parents. Together, we'll find solutions and ideas that work for you and your kids. Chances are, deep down, you know what you need. But you need a little encouragement to keep going on other days and permission to do things differently too.

Anouk:

And help you fully trust that you already are a wonderful parent to your exceptional but challenging kids. Today. We cannot really give up too. When when we have children that are when we have challenging moments, really, really hard moments, sometimes we really feel like we wanna give up. Too. Often not like, it happened really often, sometimes more than once a day. It it can be very hard, and we know that we cannot do it. Like, it's not something that we can do as parent.

Anouk:

Give up. We cannot leave our children. It's not perfectly true, but I'll get back to it. Most of the time, it's not anyway. And Feeling like we wanna give up is just normal. Like, we are going through really challenging stuff. With our kids, really challenging. And wanting to give up, wanting to just leave everything behind Doesn't mean we love our kids less.

Anouk:

Doesn't mean we're not good parents. Instead, it's the it's the opposite. Like, we are working hard. We aren't trying hard, and that makes us wonderful parent. That's but that and and we care. We care that they're not going well. We care that they're not thriving. We care that they're not happy.

Anouk:

They're not feeling good, and that's why it's so hard for us and makes us wanna give up. Too. And sometimes it's just weird when people tell us that, oh, you're so strong, and it's because we don't have the choice. We're not did we're not Trung by choice. We're not choosing what we're going through. We're not choosing to stay there. It's not a choice. We just have to go through it.

Anouk:

But too. If from the outside I don't know if you tried, but, like, start listing everything you're going through right right now with your child. And when you look at it on paper, it's a lot. Like, there's a lot to deal with. It's a lot of challenges, and it's normal to to struggle. And it's also normal that when people look at it from the outside, they too. Don't understand how we're going through it because it's hard. And the more you have, the more kids you have, the more different challenges you might have too.

Anouk:

And the bigger the mountain. But that doesn't mean 1 child a child, it's not hard at all. So we kind of feel like People don't get it when they're telling us that we are strong and we are good to do it, which is weird because it could feel also that is Like, it it can be flattering, but most of the time, from what I've lived through and heard from other parents, it doesn't feel that way. It doesn't feel that way because it's not a choice. We don't feel like we have the choice to give up and do anything else. We're just going through what we have to go through, and we are not too. Making the choice. And if it's not a choice, are we strong? But in fact, it might be more resilience too.

Anouk:

Then then strength, but we are strong. Like, it's it's not true that you cannot give up. It's not true that we cannot decide to just stop because stopping doesn't necessarily mean leaving our children. It can just mean too. Not trying. It can means just letting things happen. It can means and and that will We will all be there at some point, and that's normal too because we don't always have the energy to fight and to work hard and to learn new things and to apply those things, it's very hard. And it takes a lot of mental, emotional energy, and physical energy to do that.

Anouk:

So we will, at times, give up temporarily, I would say, but in general, we don't. Too. And we go through it, and we just do the thing. So it's more resilience than strength. So it's more like we are Letting the wind let like, make us, like, move in the wind, if you will, and we're not breaking in the wind. We're just going through, and we're just continuing. And that's also what makes us sometimes I'm gonna go a bit on on a tangent, but sometimes it makes Us feel like we're not really living our life. We're just, like, putting our head down and going through it without really making any choices And taking decisions, just doing the things, which is normal and fine, but sometimes it just gets It's a bit discouraging too.

Anouk:

So it it's important to get back some control on our life and not just to keep going without really making decision or going back to our values. And I I talk about that in other places too. Because it's it's it can take all this space in our life. So it's also important to focus on Making decision and not just letting thing happen to us. And as I touch a little bit, it's also okay to need a break And and to break sometimes, like and because it's very hard, and it's it's normal, and we need to realize that we're going through something that It's hard, and we can break sometimes. And as I said, break doesn't necessarily mean leaving our kids behind forever. It can mean a lot of things. It can just mean we're not cooking dinner for a month.

Anouk:

We're just ordering takeout. And, yes, it's crap, but it's the way to go through life. Too. Or we're giving up on screen time. I'm gonna talk about that in other episodes. Or we're giving up on Extracurricular activity, and we're not doing any, or we're not reading anything about our, like, parenting our children or anything because we cannot just take anything more too on. It can mean a lot of thing, and it's not a nothing that is a problem per se. Of course, we wanna best for our children.

Anouk:

Of course, we wanna do as much as we can, but sometimes we cannot do it. We cannot too. Do more, learn more, apply more. So we kinda break temporarily. And some parents will completely give up. Yes. Sometimes. It will happen.

Anouk:

Like, I've Seeing some parents just leave. Most often, they're not it's 1 parent that will do that. The couple will explode in some way, and 1 parents will leave, and We never see them anywhere. This is kind of giving up. Yeah. And does that make them bad parents? Socially, yeah, we will probably say that. But but, honestly, it's mostly a way to protect themselves. It's not necessarily because they are bad in per se.

Anouk:

No. Parents are really bad. It's just they were not able to go through. They don't they didn't add the resource. They didn't add The emotional regulation, like, there's a lot of reason. So it would be easy to judge, especially when we are going through something like that, but it's not necessary necessarily a bad parent. Like, it's often it's really rarely bad parents. Like, don't even like, not even sure that really exists as is.

Anouk:

Like, it's a debate. It's up for debate, but, there's really little instance where a parent is really bad and a parent that would have Other resource, other support system, other tools, the same parents would be would be a great parent per the society standards. It's really more of a question of, we are seen and how we are equipped to go through those things. So that being said, I, of course, don't encourage you to just leave. I'm never gonna say that, but, you can leave for a weekend. You can leave for a week. You can take a break. That is okay, and that doesn't make us a worse parent if we leave for a little bit of time to Recruit, like, take some rest and come back stronger or more resilient.

Anouk:

So yeah. I encourage you to maybe look at all the things you're doing and realize, oh, oh, it's a lot Or not at all because it's discouraging for you. But yeah. Like, take take on take in all too. Of what you're already doing because we so often don't see it, and see how strong and resilient you already are for your child. Too. See you next time. I'm so glad you joined me today And took that time out of your intense life to focus on finding a new way to parent that works for you and your kids.

Anouk:

To get the episodes at Solette's Day drop, today. Too. Also, check out all the free resources on my website at family moments dot c a so you can take action on what's the most important for you right now. Too. And take a deep breath. Keep going. We're all in this together.