037 – Safety for Your Intense Child and Yourself with Carrie Conrad

Anouk:
Welcome to the podcast. Today, we are addressing, very special topic that you probably haven't heard a lot about. It's what to do when our kids are, physically putting us or themselves in danger. Like, in the moment of intense meltdowns where they are eating, kicking, biting, or running away from us, or doing things that are really unsafe. How to deal with that in the moment when often we cannot just wait it to pass. And to do that, we are welcoming Carrie Conrad from Beating Disasters. She empowers mom to be and feel safe. And what she does, she has a membership called Mama Bear Prepared, and it's based on her lifetime of professional and personal experience where she helps mom sleep well knowing they are capable of protecting their children and raising them to be safe in today's world.

Anouk:
So let's welcome Carrie over on the podcast. Welcome to parenting the intensity where we'll talk all about how we can drop the general parenting advice, that doesn't work with our emotionally intense kids anyway, and let go of the unrealistic expectations society puts on us as parents. Together, we'll find solutions and ideas that work for you and your kids. Chances are, deep down, you know what they need. But you need a little encouragement to keep going on other days and permission to do things differently and help you fully trust that you already are a wonderful parent to your exceptional but challenging kids. Do you read all the things, listen to all the things, take all the courses? And you know a lot of things about parenting, but you struggle to actually apply them in your real life, then you're in luck. I just started the Parenting the Intensity community, which is a monthly group support for parents of emotionally intense kids. And the goal is exactly that, to take all the information you learn from the podcast and from all the other sources and adapt them so that it works for your child and your family, your reality.

Anouk:
Because things can work, but not always the same way for everybody. So the same thing might need to be adapted to work for you. And sometimes it's hard to sort through everything to choose the right things so that you can really enjoy your life and your kids, not always being afraid of the next outburst. You can join by clicking on the link in the show notes or on the website.

Anouk:
So welcome, Carrie. I'm really glad to have you over. Today is a question that is hard for a lot of parents, though I'm really glad that you're gonna address that. Mhmm. So first, let let us know a little bit more of, like, who you are and why you do what you do.

Carrie Conrad:
My name is Carrie Conrad, and I empower moms with prevention, protection, and defense. What moms think they need and what we actually need generally are not the same. So it's a real privilege and pleasure to be able to help moms with all the things they didn't know they needed to know about keeping safe. And I love the question that you discussed because it's one of them. They're like, oh, I need to be safe from strangers. Well, you're not wrong. Mhmm. But some of us have different, concerns like your question.

Anouk:
Yeah. Yeah. Because I got that question at least, like, one really specifically that question and some similar questions. But sometimes with emotionally intense kids, they can get physical. They can bite. They can kick. They can and it can get dangerous. And there's like, it's very hard to deal with that.

Anouk:
Like, how do you deal with your child being dangerous, like, against yourself or another sibling or another child in the room or for themself, like, being like, I I had my son when he was really little run down the street because he was so mad, and I had to grab him and to I I could not let him do that. You know? But then you're forcing your the kids and you feel bad because you know you should not restrain them. And then yeah. It's a lot. So I'm really glad you can help us a bit with that today.

Carrie Conrad:
We kinda talked a little bit about before we started recording, which is, you know, it's just what it is. But, sometimes it is appropriate to restrain. That's not what we want to do, but few and far between, it is. And it's it's more like on specific children. It's not appropriate for all children, but it's necessary for a few children. And for those children that it's necessary, it's necessary in a few circumstances. So that's not the norm. That's not what we wanna be doing.

Carrie Conrad:
We don't wanna be restricting and controlling our kids.

Anouk:
Mhmm.

Carrie Conrad:
Despite despite what we wanna believe is, like, parents come to me because, like, you're right. You do Emotionally intense kids, and I do physical safety. I we talk about staying safe, including from our own kids. Mhmm. So this is about parents come to me because they wanna control their kids. Everybody wants control. Everybody wants control. But as you start getting into my world when it comes to physical safety and people or children being emotionally dysregulated or not in control of themselves, oddly enough, we give control to gain control.

Carrie Conrad:
It doesn't make any Intense, but it's a fact. It's just what it is. And it sounds so counterintuitive and people don't wanna do it. Parents are like, but I'm the parent. It's my it's my way and it's my turn. And I listen to my parents and my kids should listen to me. And like, well, yeah, it worked on you, but it's still working on your kids. If it works, work it.

Carrie Conrad:
It's not a you know what I mean? I I never wanna take something from a parent. But when parents come to me, they might have a black eye, and all of a sudden, you're pretty willing to listen because it is so shameful to be running around with that, like it sucks when it's on your face, when you have bruises and you're beat up. But even if you don't have, like, physical symptoms, we're still running around with the shame of being in an abusive relationship that we can't leave.

Anouk:
Yeah. Yeah. Because we cannot leave that child, and it's not yeah. And I, like, I think it's very might need to pause for a second because people will never probably see that as an abusive relationship when it's coming from our own children, especially if it's little children. It's not

Carrie Conrad:
To be clear really quickly to be clear. Fighting, hitting, kicking, all of that, in the toddler years, it is developmentally appropriate.

Anouk:
Yes. Yeah.

Carrie Conrad:
And let me tell you, if you're a mom watching this and you're like, I don't think this is normal, it's probably not normal. It's if if you, as a mom, feel that way. If all the people are telling you about your kids, well, don't worry about it. It has really have to do with your intuition. Like, you know. But so, like, we start to have a clue in the toddler age that, like, hey. I think this is more than what that book was talking about because it's like biting and hitting. And the way that they're talking about it, okay, it fits.

Carrie Conrad:
Mhmm. But it doesn't feel like it covers it. And it doesn't feel like it covers it because it doesn't. It's talking about developmentally appropriate behavior, and we're talking about Intense and more. So it's normal when it's normal, but it's not normal when it's not normal. And if you're not sure, wait until they're 5 or 6 and then you'll know whether or not it's normal. Because we're we're getting out. We're transitioning Intense, you know, Emotionally to should on people, but we're transitioning into, like, you should know better.

Carrie Conrad:
Mhmm. You know?

Anouk:
Yeah. And like kids I would say starting around probably 4 or 5, they should stop those behaviors. If they're still doing that, there's something to address. And Yeah. Even, like, even younger kids that would do that all the time, there's something to address be like, under that. And you start you told like, talk about emotional regulation, and we had already a few guests talking about that. And I like, it's something that we talk all the time about Yeah. We're here.

Anouk:
And so, yeah, like, those kids that are biting and kicking, we might have to restrain them at some point, but, ultimately, we want to help them regulate in some other ways before they get to that point. Absolutely. Have to restrain them as often. And I think that's the important part also is that we will we'll we need to help them regulate. But I like, we have that topic is covered in many other episodes, so I don't wanna go there today even though I'm sure you would be able to share with us a lot about that too. But nobody else addressed that. How do I deal with it when it happens? Like, how what do I do?

Carrie Conrad:
When it hits the fan. Right?

Anouk:
Yeah. When when they're kicking, when they're like, most people will say, like, we just wait and until, like but then sometimes we cannot wait. Sometimes it's too aggressive. We cannot just wait for it to to go

Carrie Conrad:
away. It doesn't like, the the what it depends on is not, like, the aggressiveness. Because if a kid is breaking something because it's aggressive rather than an accident True. I still do weight. Mhmm. Yeah. True. You know? Like, I have that therapist.

Carrie Conrad:
They pay me to come in and teach these parents how to disarm a fork from their child. You know what I'm gonna do if a child has a fork and is threatening me with it? I'm not charging in to take the fork. That's for sure. That's what people want me to teach them, but it's like, do you wanna get stabbed with a fork?

Anouk:
No worries.

Carrie Conrad:
Because if you go in, you're probably gonna get stabbed with a fork. Yeah. You know, when it's like, but I need to control my child. Mhmm. No. Like you said, no. We need to teach our child another way to communicate. We need to teach our child another way of getting needs met.

Carrie Conrad:
That's the actual need. But okay. So right here, right now, that's not an option. What do we do?

Anouk:
Mhmm. Mhmm.

Carrie Conrad:
Preventative measures. If you know your kid's gonna grab a fork, well, then pay attention before they grab the fork. You know what I mean? If your kid throws stuff and breaks things, well, replace like, how about this? If they break the TV, don't replace the TV until your child has come, you know, understands the consequences. Like, don't go buy another TV and then get mad that your kid threw something and broke a second TV. If your child breaks a third TV, now we're looking at the parent. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, who is the adult here? Yeah. Yeah.

Carrie Conrad:
Nobody needs to be the adult and it really sucks. It's me. I I mean, come I literally have a group just so we can be like, wait. Wait. I'm the adult and I have to make the changes, and I have to be responsible. And this thing in here is terrible, and it is, and you're right. And it's okay. You're right.

Anouk:
Yeah. It's hard. It's changes that are very hard. And then, like, to the TV example, it, like yeah. It makes sense. But at the same time, it's so hard because it's just normal to replace the TV when the TV Briere. Like, it's not something that we would necessarily think twice at not doing. But then are consequences.

Carrie Conrad:
Yeah. Yeah. The natural consequences hey. Trust me. I love it when you watch Daniel and Tiger too. I want you to watch Daniel the I need you to watch Daniel the Tiger, but you broke the TV. And now we don't have a TV, and I'm not willing to buy another TV until I'm sure that it's not going to break. So for them to be without for a while Mhmm.

Carrie Conrad:
You know, obviously, a window's a window and it's getting cold. We're not gonna you know what I mean? Like, that needs to be done. But it's okay if they have broken toys. It's okay if they're without a tablet. And if they're breaking their stuff, for sure don't replace it. You know, wait until they ask. Hey. Can you buy me another one? Oh, I'd love to.

Carrie Conrad:
I just I just went if you remember what happened in the last one, I I'm just not willing to buy another one if that's what it is. And then it's an it's a conversation. Sometimes we think our kids are too young. Who is too young to talk about getting what they want? You know what I mean? Now we we do get to a point where kids are so young that they don't know what they're committing to or Yeah. You know, and I I I do not want this to be mis misunderstood to me saying that it's a club to use over their head to be like, I'm not because you did. That's no. It's Godbout, like, I want to buy you a new TV. I want to.

Carrie Conrad:
I'm just not ready until I can feel safe knowing that that TV is not gonna get broken again.

Anouk:
Yeah. And I think that's the important part and the important distinction between we can, like, support them in those really hard moments and be there for them and still not accepting. Yeah. We can understand what they're going through, but it doesn't mean that we wipe things and we let them do anything that they want still. We that the natural consequences of things will still apply. And we but we cannot just let the natural consequences apply. We need to help them do better next time also.

Carrie Conrad:
Yes. But the thing is is, like, we just feel so bad. And like I said, I I really need my kids to watch Daniel the Tiger. And it's like, Daniel the Tiger, they're learning emotional regulation with Daniel the Tiger. Like, I need them to watch Daniel the Tiger. Well, you know, like, we just need to figure something else out because it's this is an opportunity. Again, it's not for shaming. It's not for blaming.

Carrie Conrad:
It's not for it's not to be like, yeah. I wish we could watch TV, but guess who broke it? Like, that's not what we're that's not at all. It's just about and it allows me the opportunity for when my kids says I really wanna watch Daniel the tiger. And I said, man, I can't imagine. I, you know, I I I want you to watch Daniel the Tiger too, and then I get to be there and offer emotional support.

Anouk:
Mhmm.

Carrie Conrad:
So now we're talking about breaking stuff. It's different. So we know we're we're not gonna restrain when it comes to breaking things. We're gonna do workarounds and and and teach our kids different skills around breaking stuff. But now we're talking Godbout, okay, they're hitting and kicking. What are they hitting and kicking? Mhmm. You know? If you have 2 kids, that's a lot different than if you have 1. Yeah.

Carrie Conrad:
Because if we have one kick, alright. You know? Like, now we only have to worry about it on a play date. Mhmm. And that's really easy. You know, we actually have, safety plans for, like, specific incidences in some of it's hard not to go into it. So it's like there's a mama bear membership, which is all these things that we don't know that we need to know. And, like, the a lot of the stuff that we're talking about are in there, and it's like specific examples. Yeah.

Carrie Conrad:
So but it's it's really difficult to articulate in just a few minutes. Other than, like I said, just know that restraint is not the solution until it is, and it's really very rare of this solution. It really is. It really is about letting things play out as long as no one else is hurt.

Anouk:
Mhmm.

Carrie Conrad:
Stuff is just stuff, and we need to do whatever we need to do to be able to just leave stuff and stop.

Anouk:
It's better to remove things around the child than to restrain the child as long as it's possible. But then if it's searching someone Intense, then we cannot do that and we cannot, like, we cannot keep any or or it's the child that is hurting themselves that we need to restrain that child. So, like, to keep them from hurting themselves too bad. Like, it's okay if it's a bruise, but it can be much more dangerous than that sometimes.

Carrie Conrad:
Yes. And, we discussed doctor Althea Solter, which I know you're gonna include

Anouk:
last week.

Carrie Conrad:
Yes. Yes. Yes. She has a book called tears and tantrums. And in that book, she talks about straining, and that is the resource that I recommend. If you have a child that needs to be restrained, that, that is a good source for that because it takes the perspective of it. So we come at it from the right place. We're coming from a place of service, not punishment, not control.

Carrie Conrad:
It's it's a place of service. I'm serving my child to ensure that they're not a danger to themselves and other people. That is the only reason why I would restrain

Anouk:
a kid.

Carrie Conrad:
And even the word restrain, the way that she uses it is much more gentle, respectful, and dignified than you know, it's like the stuff that's out there is really bad. Yeah. And the other sources, it's very it's very punitive, restricting, controlling, demeaning. And if that is what it is never the solution to bring any of that to the table. It's just not helpful.

Anouk:
Yeah. And it's

Carrie Conrad:
It can feel necessary, but that's fear.

Anouk:
It's fear. True. True. And I think that's also something that when we come from fear or anger when we restrain, that's where it can be very dangerous because we come with too much strength. But when we come from what you were saying, a place of supporting the child and being there for them as we would in any other situation that and we can control our strength. That's where we would be much more able to restrain the child for their need and then and not for our fear, our needs. That's the the big difference. Yeah.

Carrie Conrad:
Well, and then you bring a and and then when we go there, we go Intense, okay. So how can I be well enough to bring that kind of thing?

Anouk:
Yes. Yes. We always circle back to

Carrie Conrad:
that. Yes. Then we're back to the shame, and it's like, this is not only can I not leave this relationship, I am blamed for their behavior even though even though I am blamed?

Anouk:
Yeah.

Carrie Conrad:
I am blamed for it. I can't it's like finding helpful help is really hard. That's why I do this because the help that's out there is just not always helpful for sure. There's not a lot of it. And what I found out there makes me continue to offer this even though I enjoy other things too.

Anouk:
Yes. Yes. That's true. And I I would say, like, it's something that we I've worked with so many parents that adults trouble and what is recommended most of the time is nothing. Like, they they don't like, lots of people won't get any tool to deal with that other than weight it, but sometimes we just can't wait and restraint as a here, restraint is something that is very fawn upon. And Yeah. I even add at some point, someone told me that we should not suggest to parents to put lock on the door that is unopenable for the children because that's considered a restraint. And I was like, what the what the what? Like like, making sure a child doesn't leave the house at a certain age.

Anouk:
I'm not picking up Godbout teenagers. I'm talking about, like, 3, 4 years old that have a tendency to go out the door.

Carrie Conrad:
To run. Yep.

Anouk:
And we cannot put a lock in the door. That would be considered a restraint and illegal? Like, that's absurd. And when the child leaves, you're gonna consider being a a normal parent and unresponsible. But sometimes they go very fast and you don't you're not able to have them in your psyche 247. You know?

Carrie Conrad:
Yeah. Well and the stuff that you're talking Godbout, when we're talking about safety, when it comes to safety, there's no cookie cutter answer. No. Every situation is different. And even when you have the same parent and the same child in similar situations, the solution to each of those situations can be different, which is why it is very important, to know who you are, know what your values are, know that you're taking care of yourself, knowing that you're available for your kid, and knowing what your options are, and trusting trusting that you're doing the best that you can. And because other people, no matter what you do, are going to have an opinion. No matter what you do. If you go left, there's people gonna be like, mm-mm.

Carrie Conrad:
Yeah. If you go right, they're gonna be like, can you believe she did that? It's it's it's just throw it out the window. You have to do it when you're talking about a kid with the behaviors like this. It doesn't matter what you do. Somebody thinks they can do it better.

Anouk:
Yeah. And I would say that's mostly parenting in general anyway. Like, there's always someone to think that we're not doing the things properly, especially when we have Emotionally intense kids. No matter how we deal with what's happening, there's always someone thinking it's your fault, and you're not doing things correctly and your kids are acting that way because you're not strict enough. So there's always something somewhere. Someone's thinking bad.

Carrie Conrad:
I could go on and on and on and on and on about so many different aspects of the same topic, but I know that there's, like, time restraints. So

Anouk:
Yeah. But I would say that's very, like so to recap a little, basically, it's like I would say it's treating those moments basically the same as we would, any other in supporting the child and keeping in mind that they're not eating you because they ate you or because they wanna hurt you, it's because they're hurting all the time. It's always going back to to that. Right? It's it's the same thing. It's just that if someone else's safety is at play, we might need to go to some extreme that we won't go in other moments. So

Carrie Conrad:
So when I'm out in public and the behavior is, unsafe, it's time to go home. Mhmm. And that is when that is when it's, like, it's we we have not negotiables. That's what we talk Godbout. And it's called raising nonviolent children, which is the content which is quite along the lines of what we're talking about. If I'm in public, my job is to raise my child to be a safe participant in society. If my child is not going to be a safe participant in society, then I want my child to learn to stay home. Mhmm.

Carrie Conrad:
Stay home and take care of yourself. Do whatever you need to do so that you can be safe because society deserves to be safe. There's a lot going on in the world right now, and I can tell you that I am a parent that has a child with a diagnosis code that makes people uncomfortable. Mhmm. Right? And it's just what it is. So you learn you learn how to raise somebody with who they are, not not anything other than who they are. You know? Don't get me wrong. I push I push my kid beyond their capacity because I believe that's what a good parent does.

Carrie Conrad:
It's like, congratulations. You did better the next time, and next time I assure you you could try for more. Oh, you missed the mark? No worries. That's that's how it works. We try for things that we're not sure if we can achieve because we don't know where our lines are. Yeah. Whoosh. You know? But if you're unstable, take a break.

Anouk:
Yeah. Yeah.

Carrie Conrad:
Go go watch Daniel the tiger. I don't care

Anouk:
how old you are. And it's definitely also, like, a great thing to remember as parents because sometimes we are in situation where we think we cannot leave or we like, it's hard to leave, but and or we don't want it. Like, we wanna be there, and it's hard to leave a place where we wanna be because we've I haven't seen those people for a while or because we need to talk to other adults and they're just like

Carrie Conrad:
But if we're willing to be honest with ourselves, if we're willing to be honest, it's harder to say.

Anouk:
Yeah. True.

Carrie Conrad:
It's I I I hear you. But if you really play it through

Anouk:
Yeah.

Carrie Conrad:
It's harder to stay. It's harder on our kids. It's harder

Anouk:
on us. We'll pay for it.

Carrie Conrad:
It's hard it's it's harder to stay. And and and most often, we're doing it for somebody's approval. Mhmm. Mhmm. You know? Because our needs aren't gonna get met.

Anouk:
No. It's gonna be definitely yeah. We we we we think it's gonna be. Like, that's very true. We think it's gonna be it's a way to meet our needs sometimes to stay in places. But when the child is too dysregulated, it's not gonna work. We're Yeah. They're definitely not gonna get met.

Anouk:
And, yeah, it definitely true. It's it's hard to reconcile both sometimes for sure. But it's true. Like, they're like, the society is safe from our children Mhmm. And there's a difference between making sure they're like, the society is safe from our children Mhmm. And safety and but and discomfort is not the same as safety. People can be discomfort, like, uncomfortable in front of our kids because they're acting differently. They can still be safe, but uncomfortable, and I think that's a big difference also.

Carrie Conrad:
It is. You're right. If my kid is not like, I don't go home for obnoxious behavior. You know what I mean? I go home because of unsafe behavior. That means it's physical harm. Mhmm. And and then I let parents decide, you know, personally for us, we have words fit in that category, but it's okay if your child's behavior is so extreme that there isn't room. Like, it's just it's just what it is.

Carrie Conrad:
Like, I help parents of kids with really extreme behaviors.

Anouk:
Mhmm.

Carrie Conrad:
And so we just have to adjust our values to something that's, like, doable and realistic and allows us to help our child to improve. Because if your child is over here and you want them to be way over there, the demand that they get from here to way over there is not good for we ain't gonna make it. No. We're not gonna make it.

Anouk:
So you you just Yeah. Or it's gonna take a lot of time. So

Carrie Conrad:
You just can't go from here to a mile. You just gotta take it a step at a time. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Really gotta so that's a lot about decisions, perspectives, tons of self care.

Anouk:
Yeah. We always go back to self care. I don't think anybody like, I think all the guests I talked to talked about self care. I hope the message is going through. Because I know how hard it can be, especially when we are dealing with kids that are intense like that. It's very hard, but it still is so essential.

Carrie Conrad:
Well and, also, if a mother is centered, her child's less likely to be like less likely to be unstable, you know, because they come to me and then I get to be a source of calm. And if I'm not a source of calm, well, I'm human. So, you know, welcome to Tuesday. It's not it's just what it is. But it is helpful to know that if I control myself, it does have a ripple effect on my child

Anouk:
Yeah. Definitely.

Carrie Conrad:
Way more than people believe,

Anouk:
which is

Carrie Conrad:
why our perspectives, our mindsets, our, you know, our, you know, having realistic values, all of that is something that I can do that has nothing to do with my kid that I can have a positive effect on my child.

Anouk:
Yeah. Yeah. And it's, like, it's always the the step between, like, it's not our fault, but we can help them be better by being better ourselves because it's very hard to deal with a child that's dysregulated when we are not very, very, very well regulated.

Carrie Conrad:
Yeah. Really quickly, I do want to wrap up with saying that when we leave, not if we leave, but when we leave because we need to, because that's what a responsible parent does. That's how I keep my child and other kids safe. For me to stay at an event where my child is incapable of controlling their behavior, that is it's unkind. Mhmm. Because they're not gonna do any better, and then we're teaching our children how to survive rather than teaching them how to live. Mhmm. K? So when we leave, no one is in trouble.

Carrie Conrad:
Yeah. Nobody's being punished. Mhmm. There's no cons the consequences that we left. That's the concept. There's no more. There's no punishment. There's no well, we could have if we didn't have to leave early because of so and so.

Carrie Conrad:
Like, nope. Nope. Everybody's bummed out that we left. And so when my child says, I wanted to play longer, and I go, I wanted you to play longer too. But we hit this point, and that's how we know it's time to stop and go take care of ourself.

Anouk:
Yeah. And that's also something that's totally true for us as parents. And so often, we push ourselves way past the limits that we should not. And I think it's great to help teach our kids to just retreat when it's necessary to do so Mhmm. When we need to. Yeah. That's a very great wrap up, I think. So thank you very much.

Anouk:
Is there anything else you wanted to add before we close?

Carrie Conrad:
No. I think, like, this is a this is a jam packed little session here with Daniel the Tiger, doctor Althea Salter. There's a lot. There's a lot of good stuff in here.

Anouk:
And I I definitely need to look up Daniel the tiger. If he does, it's it's we you keep talking about that, and I've never Oh my gosh.

Carrie Conrad:
So you gotta it's I think the theme is called Daniel's big feelings or something like that. And even better, there's an app.

Anouk:
Yeah. There's an app. I think I did check once, and it, like, my kids speak French, and I I I don't think it exists in French. So that's why we deliver I think so. Maybe now, sometime it takes more time, but I pretty much it it reminds me of something, and I think I checked with my my my older ones speak English now, but not my youngest. And, like, I think we looked at it, and I just dismissed it because there was no French version. But I need to check back to, like, get Oh,

Carrie Conrad:
there's a song for every feeling. My kids my kids break out in song. They break out in song when something is frustrating, and I'm like, did you tickle the tiger?

Anouk:
Oh, wow. Definitely linking to that too in the show notes. And where can people find you if they have one of those really, really intense kids that need help from you or because you do other stuff too. So just let let

Carrie Conrad:
us know. Beatingdisaster.com. Like, beating, beat ingdisasterdisaster. So beatingdisaster.com. Also, if you think that you just really need help, you just really need help or you're just not sure if I can help, we have a spirit of focus session. So you can spend some time with me. I'll listen and hear you out because no matter what, it's really nice to have a place to talk to somebody who isn't gonna blame or shame or you know, like, I get it. Mhmm.

Carrie Conrad:
I get it. So just to be heard to be heard, I would be more than happy to listen to where you're at, what your concerns are, and where you'd like to be, and help you get a couple action steps to get there.

Anouk:
Yeah. Great. So all the links will, of course, also be in the show notes so people can find you and your socials, links also so that people can connect and follow you if they they want more information and more support support. So thank you very much for being here, Carrie, today. That was very, interesting. And I all will love I always love to address topics that are not necessarily really talked about that much. So I was glad to have you on that.

Carrie Conrad:
Talk about it all the time. So

Anouk:
Yeah. I know for you, it must be like, just another day, but I don't think it's something that we address all that much. Like, that living violence from our children, basically, is not something we talk Godbout. And I've like, in a pre group.

Carrie Conrad:
Well, and it's hard to use the word violent. I learned that early on. Like, I was okay to say, like, no. That's violence because violence prevention is my profession. Yeah. But a lot of people go, my child child's not violent. And they're like, well, they're hitting and kicking and biting and spitting.

Anouk:
It's kind of violent to some extent. Yeah. They're not it's not because they're not doing it on purpose that it's not violent. Yeah.

Carrie Conrad:
Well and it's communication. People don't appreciate it, but violence is communication too. So True. True. True.

Anouk:
We we give meaning to some words for sure, but thanks for thanks for bringing me back because you're true. You're this is totally right. Like, some people might be really put off by that word. So yeah. So thank you again for being here. It was really nice talking to you.

Carrie Conrad:
Always. Thank you.

Anouk:
I'm so glad you joined me today and took that time out of your intense life to focus on finding a new way to parent that works for you and your kids. To get the episodes at SoletteDay drop, make sure to subscribe to the podcast. And please leave everything in review so other parents can find it too. Also, check out all the free resources on my website at familymoments.ca so you can take action on what's the most important for you right now. And take a deep breath. Keep going. We're all in this together.